I tried to recap in my mind the time around my having COVID. I can’t really express how it all felt but this is my attempt.I was so sick and out of it that I didn’t care what they did to me in the hospital. I remember them being so dedicated to me. The respiratory department didn’t leave me alone . Someone was always in my room encouraging and monitoring my situation.
I remember being talked to about making certain choices before that freedom was taken from me. There was a really nice young man taking care of me and he squeezed my arm and said you are holding your own yet .
Shortly after that statement I was admitted to ICU- the staff called Bruce and I was declared unable to make my own choices. They were preparing me to be put on a ventilator. I agreed to 2 trial meds and they had started them. I believe those are what turned the course for me.
Thoughts about my family would drift through me would the last memory for my husband and daughter be of leaving me off at the ER department. My son wasn’t home when I left. What if that would haunt him not seeing me before I left.
Covid 19 in the beginning it seemed unreal to me that we would be heading into a Pandemic. I remember when we started to talk with the school kids about it. As staff we tried to walk that fine line of explaining to them what things might look like but we didn’t want to overload them and cause anxiety.
Also attempting to teach them the importance of not only protecting themselves but also those around them who might be more susceptible to the virus.
None of us knew what the future held as far as teaching the kids -we talked with them about what distance learning could look like. While none of us knew what that even looked like. The Governor announced we would be doing distance learning leaving us to complete the remaining school year at home.
Summertime we stayed home and if we left the house we wore masks . It was a really different life but we did what we had to do to stay safe. The following school year we started the school year switched to partial kids in school and some online for distance learning ,rotating days between home and online.
My morning routine with the Para’s was to take temperatures of the students and screen them for any Covid symptoms and follow protocol set up if someone showed any signs of illness.Through the month of September things went fairly smooth, Everything had fallen into a routine and seemed like Covid had not affected me personally yet.
I really was more concerned about my parents or my husband and daughter getting Covid than myself. Little did I know who things would take a turn soon.
Then at the end of September there had been a few students who had been exposed and quarantined. They either had symptoms of Covid or had been exposed to someone with Covid. On Friday October 1st 2020 I had gone to a rummage sale in town- I rarely had gone anywhere trying to limit as much chance as I could to exposures. Saturday the 2nd I felt like I had allergy symptoms which I blamed on all the dusty things at the rummage sale and it also was fall time. Through the weekend I never felt worse so I blamed it on allergy/asthma symptoms. I went to work on Monday -Tuesday feeling stuffy but felt like much like allergies.
Tuesday night October 6th I ran my first temp of 101. I called into work and went to the Dr.
I took COVID test and was told to isolate and wait .I reported to work what the Dr told me . Between Wednesday -Friday I ran nightly temps one night I hit 104 and I had chills like I had never before experienced . I was having dizzy spells and weakness. Simple tasks were causing me extreme fatigue and exhaustion .
On Friday the clinic called and stated my Covid test was negative but if I didn't’ improve I should call back. I was really feeling weak and miserable. This was an illness I had never felt before. I had started to get dizzy walking short distances . I noticed the feeling as if my oxygen was cute off there was no wheezing but just like someone had squeezed my neck . That should have been a big sign I guess but I was so weak and I guess my mind just wasn’t thinking as clearly as it should have.
Saturday was Liza’s birthday. I so much wanted to make her day special. She had been home doing distance learning since the school year started. Bruce had gotten her some fancy cupcakes and I attempted to eat one with her but I remember feeling so awful that I couldn’t enjoy it .
This is when the illness was starting to take a stronger hold on me .My sister now tells me I wasn’t making much sense. I sounded awful on the phone and my thought process was altered. It took her some pushing to get me to get help. They both after I got better stated it was frustrating in my clear head I would have known better. I would have pushed someone to go to ER NOW. if someone had told me that was how they were feeling.
Something told me in the back of my head to check my 02 level. I was at a 78% which 90 % and higher is good .I knew I felt off but it wasn’t until much later I understood how slowed up my thought process was . I messaged my sister who I spoke to alot throughout the day. She asked me if I was going to the Dr or what my plan was.
I spoke to the ER nurse and she had me recheck the battery on my oximeter to rule out a low battery giving such a low reading . I did and I was just reading that low. I knew Bruce wasn’t feeling the best so I was concerned about leaving him .
Bruce and Liza brought me to the ER. Due to regulations they had to leave me in the parking lot. I went in with the nurse I felt awful and scared .. My 02 levels dropped to the low 70’s . They ordered a new Covid test which would come back positive .I had a scan of my chest which showed pneumonia.
During this time I was texting my sister -she talked with me to give her my log in informations for my Clinic portal so if something like me going on a ventilator and unable to speak someone could read the test results and documentation of how I was doing .
I was started on an IV and given some steroids and antibiotics in the Tyler Er. The plan was to wait for the results of Covid test if was positive I would be transferred to Sioux Falls if negative I would be admitted locally and treated for pneumonia .
Once we got the news about the results things moved fairly quick and I was on my way to Sioux Falls by ambulance. I texted my sister and asked to call Bruce and my other sister and our parents.
I was so uncomfortable no matter how much oxygen forced into me lungs I just couldn’t get it in. There was no position I could get into to be at ease. I spoke abit with my husband on the way but it was so hard to breath and talk I couldn't talk.
I treated my cellphone as a life line. I didn’t let it go. I would text small bits to my sister - I made her the point person she would share what she could.I texted a couple of coworkers to give them a heads up on my being positive for covid and being transferred to Sioux Falls .
I remember having thoughts about dying and questions about would I see my family again? Just breathing was effort and it started to become too hard to think.
A friend of ours had died that same week but not from Covid I kept thinking about him on my ride.Thinking about his last thoughts and wondered if that was my ending too.
I thought about Bruce. He hadn't felt great that weekend either if I said much to health professionals it was my worry about him and the kids. I kept being reminded by them that I need to focus and fight for my health so I could go home to them .I even emailed our clinic to have them check up on him.
Once I got to the hospital some things were a blur I know when I was transferred from the ambulance into the hospital I was double masked and there were 2 room transfers that I was double masked and a blanket over my head.
The staff at the hospital were so good to me, I could see the concern but everyone did all they could to keep me alive..My first night there was rough and my oxygen levels were really low . The respiratory therapist stayed really close to me - he changed different tubings to try and get air into me .
I was told I had pneumonia due to Covid and basically all the air sacs were fille and air isn’t allowed in. They talked with me about the trial medicines and I agreed shortly that I needed too. Praying that they would help and not cause me harm.
I wore a face mask pretty much the whole time so talking to me was out and seeing was out I wasn’t able to wear my glasses . I sent texts to my sisters - some did not make sense. It took so much effort to type up any form of a sentence.
On the day I upgraded from wearing masks to nasal tubing I could call family. I called my husband remembering my voice sounding so weak. It sounded frail and unlike my voice. I called my mom. I can still hear the sense of relief in her voice. My sisters both had tears in their voices. I think we all had pretty much had it in the back of our minds I was lucky to be talking to them
The discharging Dr told me it was nearly unheard of to be discharged from ICU and sent home in a week. I had beaten some really steep odds and was encouraged to take things slow to heal .
Coming home there were so many emotions, I was concerned about my family. Bruce hadn’t been feeling the greatest either and I didn’t have the strength to take care of him. Luckily we had friends who delivered food to us and checked in. They have no idea how much of a life saver that was for us .
I was discharged with a team who would monitor me and check in with me to see how I was recovering. There are still lingering effects of COVID but I am lucky.
Beside my family- my other family my job weighed heavy on my mind. I had asked to come back but from home and only for a few hours a day for a while. I was stressed. I really felt wiped out and worried about my group of kids I was helping. We were nearing the end of the quarter and I had a few who were struggling . Virtually it is harder to help with assignments and actually get things handed in.
I felt so helpless I was full of concern for my family,my students and I was coping with the mentaly impact of almost dying . Don’t get me wrong I am very grateful I survived but it is the aftershock of the what ifs .
We had popped in on my parents about Thanksgiving time. All masked up and standing on the front deck. Trying to use as much distancing as we could. My dad was choked up seeing me and kept saying we are damn lucky you are here. Those emotions were so strong only stated in simple words but I agreed completely.
Next month is my one year mark- I have lots of feelings about it . We as a society are still dealing with COVID. It scares me and it is always in my mind about precautions and just what is safe for us.
As of now I still struggle with some Long Hauler issues. My racing heart beat is treated with medicine. My brain fog has improved but it is still very much there. I will be talking and suddenly the word I want is gone and I have to ask the person I am talking to to help me fill in the blanks.
Even recapping this doesn’t really hit the fear I felt and all other emotions I had due this. While some have gotten COVID and really didn’t suffer much,that is great for them.But for those who did and survived it was an illness I had never had before . It truly was just try to take over .
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