Infertility and Adoption

 I was looking at the kid's photo albums- time has flown since they were babies-toddlers -elementary kids.

I am so grateful adoption was an option for us. When I was a young girl I always planned on meeting a great guy and raising a family. I met the great guy and was not prepared for being told I was more then likely not going to get pregnant. We attempted treatments that were costly but nothing we tried worked. With treatments being costly we chose to stop after several heart breaking moments .

We had decided we would just try to be the best partners to each other as we can be. Lean on each other to walk through the heart break and support each other . We embraced being a childless couple the best we could but that didn't keep painful moments from creeping in .

At first people would joke - Are you doing it right? I had a girlfriend who offered to sleep with Bruce to carry a baby for us. Another friend told me it was no big deal and having kids were over rated . Someone suggested I divorce Bruce so he could find a fertile woman. Another friend told me she would have to kill herself if she were in my shoes. All those comments cut deep and really hard to work through.

I remember seeing other families and the emptiness I felt wishing that was us.. Even though Bruce and I committed to we would just accept this was our life . We had a good relationship and  we had happy moments . 

I have always struggled with that negative voice in my head that I was not enough. That voice got really loud during the infertility road. I measured myself to all the women out there who had their own babies. I was really hard on myself and struggled. 

After sometime I came to terms and accepted it  I was happy. One day a co-worker told me how she was adopted through the county. The idea of how much we made or could afford wasn't the number one focal point. There were other factors someone looked at - were we able to love and nurture a child ,advocate for a child. 

Once we were approved to adopt it was the most top of the world feeling I ever felt .Do those negative voices still talk? Yes they do but I am living the life I always hoped for just a different path. So on days I look at the photo albums or memories of the kids little days I remind myself while I miss those the younger days I am so blessed to have been given the gift of being a parent.

Distance Learning

 I know distance learning is a topic that has many emotions for many people. I know it takes a lot of dedication . For Middle school and High school kids that is tough. Many parents battle that routine of their own jobs and then their kids in school. I know their are tons of concerns of socialization and just what kids are lacking ..

With that said for our family it works our daughter having an Immune Deficiency there is no real data on how COVID would affect her body's immune system. My husband and his heart failure the less exposure the better off he is. 

After getting sick with COVID I have been home and helping my daughter with her distance learning . It has been interesting to see the skills she has and being part of helping her through out her day. I am grateful for that option and being a part of it for her. 

As a parent there are somethings we miss out on having our kids in school --in a nonpandemic setting she would be back in the building . I know not everyone had that option but I am glad we have that .

Camping

 Before kids it was Bruce and I and our 2 fur kids a cat Smokey and our dog Sasha. Sasha went on many journeys with us. One thing she loved to do was go camping with us.. She would lay by the campfire at night and let out huge doggie sighs of contentment. 

We started with a tent which I was fine with during the day but it wasn't comfortable sleeping - although Bruce never complained. Then we bought a pick up and put  a topper on it. It wasn't a fancy truck but Bruce loved that truck. In the topper we had a make shift bed at the time it was the best . Us and our dog camping in the back of the pick up. It was an upgrade then sleeping on the ground but if you didn't shut the door mosquitos would eat you alive.. and in the heat of the day it was hot. 

It was a simple time in our life but so many great memories. We camp with kids a few tenting experiences and our camper.. 

Now it is 3 dogs -kids and us..  

Valentines Day

  Bruce and I have shared many Valentines Days--some have been gifts of flowers and jewelry, Other years it was going out to a nice supper and maybe a movie. We would switch it up though and they might be my favorite memories . We used to first go the the grocery store and purchase the fixings for a nice meal.. Then we would put it away grab our dog and head out to Camden( the local state park) we would hike through the park. Our faithful dog bounding ahead of us occasionally we would spook up a few deer who looked to see us . We hiked through some snowbanks  for hours  talking ,snapping pictures and laughing .  

Eventually we would end our hike tired and cold but fulfilled.  Then we would load up back into the truck and head home .Then Bruce grilled the meat I would take care of the indoor part of our meal. Whatever sides that needed to be prepared - setting the table 

A few years the snow banks were so high  by our back door higher then the house. We would store our bottle of wine in the banks -- joked it was our wine cooler.. 

They were simple  moments but special to us.