Infertility and Adoption

 I was looking at the kid's photo albums- time has flown since they were babies-toddlers -elementary kids.

I am so grateful adoption was an option for us. When I was a young girl I always planned on meeting a great guy and raising a family. I met the great guy and was not prepared for being told I was more then likely not going to get pregnant. We attempted treatments that were costly but nothing we tried worked. With treatments being costly we chose to stop after several heart breaking moments .

We had decided we would just try to be the best partners to each other as we can be. Lean on each other to walk through the heart break and support each other . We embraced being a childless couple the best we could but that didn't keep painful moments from creeping in .

At first people would joke - Are you doing it right? I had a girlfriend who offered to sleep with Bruce to carry a baby for us. Another friend told me it was no big deal and having kids were over rated . Someone suggested I divorce Bruce so he could find a fertile woman. Another friend told me she would have to kill herself if she were in my shoes. All those comments cut deep and really hard to work through.

I remember seeing other families and the emptiness I felt wishing that was us.. Even though Bruce and I committed to we would just accept this was our life . We had a good relationship and  we had happy moments . 

I have always struggled with that negative voice in my head that I was not enough. That voice got really loud during the infertility road. I measured myself to all the women out there who had their own babies. I was really hard on myself and struggled. 

After sometime I came to terms and accepted it  I was happy. One day a co-worker told me how she was adopted through the county. The idea of how much we made or could afford wasn't the number one focal point. There were other factors someone looked at - were we able to love and nurture a child ,advocate for a child. 

Once we were approved to adopt it was the most top of the world feeling I ever felt .Do those negative voices still talk? Yes they do but I am living the life I always hoped for just a different path. So on days I look at the photo albums or memories of the kids little days I remind myself while I miss those the younger days I am so blessed to have been given the gift of being a parent.