Saturday Baking

 As I was in my kitchen baking a things for my family my thoughts wander to my childhood. Every Saturday I would be at my Grandma's spending it helping cleaning and baking. If I wasn't there I was at home with my mom who also spent a part of Saturday baking .Mom's homemade chocolate chips cookies have been a part of our lives for as long as I remember. 

It hits me at moments like that how precious  those little moments are. I go back to October when I was fighting off COVID . The dedication all the healthcare people showed me while I was fighting the virus was tremendous . Their commitment to be there by my side  is what allows me to be here to help be with my family- to be able to make baked goods- take care of them. It is such a powerful feeling to know while I was so sick and people so dedicated - there we so many the one person who sticks out was the Respiratory therapists who never left my side I don't remember his name . I wasn't able to wear my glasses so many were a fog . This guy worked so hard to get lungs to respond the way he wanted . He would check and recheck my Bi Pap face mask.. He tried different masks and setting and tried different meds- what ever he could to get the lungs to open. Things failed though he stayed in my room talked me through things. told me while I was holding my own -he would have to send me to ICU due to I wasn't responding enough. He stayed with until he handed me over to ICU.

It was lonely while I was there as far as not seeing family but the staff made sure to be as supportive as they could be. 

It makes things like baking for the family a gift from those who fought to keep me alive. 

I get to pass on the tradition of baked goods on a  Saturday for my family..

Flash backs

This was me at work a few weeks prior to getting Covid.. I felt great no clue what was ahead of me

This is me a maybe 2 days out of ICU  still fighting to breath I was on this forced air during the day Bipap at night 

This is I was a day or two before I was discharged ,, still on Bipap at night but breathing much better 

 I didn't have the energy while in ICU to even think about snapping pictures... 

I still have some leftover things from COVID but things are much better - but little things can take me back to my stay. I can't stress enough how great the staff were to me.. I remember feeing bad that no one can come see me... but the staff made sure I felt like I mattered. they spent alot of time with me.

The day before ICU and during ICU I pretty much slept-- they would come check me I would get a quick drink-- chapstick-- a cold wash cloth on my forehead-- repositioned

I remember when we first about COVID at school and we were working on what to do - how to reach the students online. So many unknowns before it hit. Then when we came back in the fall and we knew the virus was closer .People we knew starting to have the virus closer to home... 

After I was discharged I felt so much pressure - wanting to be better -- worried about not working - taking care of my family..

I reached out to school to see if I could juggle some hours from home - I got the ok to do so,then I felt the stress of helping the kids-- my energy level was so off --- my heart raced -feeling better took me awhile...

I wanted my life back but things just weren't falling into place as quickly as I wanted them too .

I get flash backs of what I went thru.... 

Covid

My experience with COVID It started out like what I thought was an allergy/asthma episode we had a few kids also in school with sinus like symptoms so I decided it was something that would pass. That was a Monday I went to work felt tired  but no worse then if I had a cold. Tuesday went to work again just felt like I was getting a sinus infection-that night I crawled into bed and by midnight I was running a temp of 101. 

I called into work that morning went to the Dr . with shortness of breath and a temp -and over all weakness they did a COVID test told to me isolate myself the  symptoms were very COVID  like.  I would get my results in 2-3 days .

Wednesday the chills hit I shivered so hard the bed shook. I started to run fevers of 101 to the highest of 104-I had no sense of taste , body aches, horrible stomach pains and horrible  exhaustion. 

The shortness of breath  was as if someone flipped a switch and the air couldn't move in or out of my lungs Friday feeling worse I get the call from the clinic that my test was negative.  

Saturday I check my 02 and I was slipping below the 80's -- I went to the ER  they did another COVID test .. that one was positive. I was hooked up to oxygen and still my O2 levels were not great.  I realize know but at the time even my mental state was slow not really making sense. My memory of things from that week to maybe a week after I  returned home is very limited . Some things I remember and somethings are a blur.

It was Liza's birthday I felt awful leaving her and it not being a a great day for her. Bruce and Liza left me in the ER parking lot ( due to limiting numbers of people in the building) 

I was taking by ambulance to Sioux Falls... it was a long bumpy ride-- thoughts of will I return to my family-what is going to happen and who will take care of my family. 

The ambulance crew was really nice the person who sat next to me was kind and tried to keep me comfortable. The road side was a blur about the most that sticks out in my mind.. was we passed Popeye's Chicken in Sioux Falls . I thought to myself if I had the energy to say this I should crack a joke and ask if we can stop for chicken. 

When I first got out of the ambulance per protocol I was double masked brought to my room. Once in my room there as always someone next to me a nurse or respiratory therapist.  They were adjusting oxygen and masks trying to get air pushed into my lungs. 

I remember being transferred to a different room and they double masked me and put a lite blanket over my head to prevent anything to be transmitted,

A big part of my first 3 days were a blur- I was unable to to wear my glasses and had bipap face mask on my face so communication was almost impossible.

I know I was hot all the time - I had a cold washcloth on my forehead at all times and a fan blowing on me. 

I wish I could fully explain laying there so weak you just didn't have the energy to read things -- the anxiety of will I get to go home.. and what next 

Things are still lingering ...but the Dr's are checking this over.. 

 

Humanity

 I know COVID is a touchy topic some think it is no big deal-some think it is fake. I had it and it was very much a big deal it almost ended my life. 

My thoughts though are more on people's responses ... it seems ever post made on social media about a death from COVID.  Many of the comments jump to what was the preexisting factors they made them more susceptible to getting that sick. 

I think it is fair to say many preexisting illnesses can make any illness more severe. What happened to humanity and being kind to each other. 

I have preexisting things ---but are well managed - COVID kicked my butt. 

When I was in ICU my sisters were watching my medical reports and test as they were coming in. My levels were awful and Covid was winning. 

My question if I would have passed --how would some of the unkind things people say in those comment sections comfort my children ,my husband.  My parents were sick with worry comments of well what underlying illnesses did she have - would that have mattered. 

I think no matter what illness or accident - the compassionate thing to say would be something of comfort. It amazes me just because it is said thru a key board some feel they can just say what ever . 

Our world needs more empathy- unity..many of us are given life lessons --we just need to start listening 

Tears

We went to the rodeo the other night - the announcer did a fantastic job on recognizing the Veterans-- and the soldiers that are ready to fight for people they don't even know. Then he continued to give recognition to EMT;s and our police - just about anyone who is in the job to protect and serve.
He asked the Veterans to stand --proudly I watch my husband stand.
 The one thing I saw in all of the people he announced was while they stood and they took pride in their role- the ones I observed came off as I am just doing my job. It gives me chills to see such humble attitudes of I am doing my job because it is what I want to do.

Then the Star Spangled Banner is played -- I can't get through any patriotic song without crying .. I think as a kid I knew what the song was about - but as I have aged I understand it better . The tears now flow openly at events where that song is played and if someone talks about those you are laying down their lives for us- the emotion is so raw inside. The impact of what that really means just is hard to truly understand- people risking their lives to my my life better .

The locust are screaming away- some of the trees are turning colors or dropping leaves. Soon we will be back to school. I will be spending time then with school family. There is always a bit of sadness to say goodbye to summer.

This summer I was driven to pack in as much summer as I could in to make up for last summer . While the memories of the battle of last summer is still there it is fading as we now are stepping into our new normal. Most things have fallen back into place some time ago. I still am dealing with always knowing my limits.

Just so grateful to be able to have a summer but I am still wishing we had just a little bit more LOL

A year ago

We are coming up to a year mark where a lot happened- I was still no weight bearing ,sitting in a wheelchair. I finished another round of IV antibiotics- my mother in law passed away. When we left Tyler to go to Benson for the visitation and funeral- I couldn't get into the suburban my one good leg just didn't have the strength to get me up there. After I got out of the vehicle that day I didn't ride in a car for almost 2 months . The night of the visitation things went I felt ok- felt bad that Bruce couldn't focus just on his family and mourn with them. I was always in the back of his mind- the day of the funeral I knew prior going that I was having quite a bit of pain...I noticed on the "good leg" I was starting to get a rash..

I opted out of going to the burial-- I knew getting into a car would be too much. The kids came back where we were staying with me. I remember going into the bathroom to change- I struggled getting on the toilet-- when it came time to stand up I couldn't . My good leg hurt and I had no power in it.

Zach had to help me get into the wheelchair and then hoist me on the bed. I have to say he is a champ he had no qualms in helping me .. He went and found Bruce- they called the ambulance and I was taken to the Benson hosp..I spent the night . They started me on an antibiotic and worked on getting ahold of my surgeon.  I don't remember much about any of it.. It was set up for me to be transferred to Marshall-

I had surgery on the "good leg" it was infected with staph- cultured MRSA too.. they cleaned it up- replaced the plastic parts. It took sometime for the leg to want to work...a week after that surgery they did the first step in preparing my leg to be fused .

After that I was sent to Sioux Falls for a week for testing to see if we could find out why we couldn't kill the infection..

So many surgeries-- so much going on in our world it sort of sucked the air out of us. I always feel bad that Bruce never really go to slow down and process the loss of his mom.. We have talked through later down the road..
Last year at this time things were so intense ... a year later we are camping-- grabbing our new normal